


I Got Your Back

by hatae



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Instability
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-07
Updated: 2015-11-01
Packaged: 2018-04-19 11:11:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4744184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hatae/pseuds/hatae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Mike had actually saved Josh instead of letting him get taken? How much would the events on Blackwood Mountain have affected Chris and Josh's relationship?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been obsessed with this game ever since it came out and I just cannot handle the sucky ending Josh got, so I'll write my own goddamn ending ( with some Josh x Chris/ Climbing Class, because I love them ^^)

Chris felt an incredible feeling of relief wash over him when he and the others burst through the door and he saw Josh alive and well, at least for now, because the Wendigos following them could quickly make a change in that.

 

Chris cursed when he ran up the stairs and into the living room and he saw another one of the monstrosities, with its longs limbs curled into the decorative luster hanging from the ceiling, like a spider in its web . 

Josh looked like he could faint at any second. Mike was stiffly holding Josh's arm, making sure he wouldn't sway on the spot. Chris made sure he didn't move either, facing his two priorities: Josh and Ashley.

He could hear running footsteps abruptly coming to a halt and Mike forcing out between gritted teeth: "Don't move. Don't fucking move a muscle." The door Sam must've tried to lock was forced open and Chris held his breath when he saw Josh wincing.

 

Mike must've threateningly tightened his grip though, because Josh's expression turned into a pained one and he made sure not to move again, even in his obviously groggy state

 

Chris looked at Ashley's barely trembling form that hadn’t moved since they ran into the living room…that didn’t move when two of the monsters began viciously attacking one another, destroying everything in their path. Mike's eyes scanned the room and, even though Chris thought they were goners for sure, seemed to find something. He shared a look with Sam and she nodded.

The next moments went by in a faze, Mike and Sam started moving for their plan to work just as one of the fighting Wendigos ripped the others head off. Their movement caught the remaining Wendigo’s attention and actually gave him, Emily, Ashley and Josh the chance to slowly walk away. 

Emily was the first to make it to the door and run out of it, followed by him and Ashley and eventually by a stumbling Josh. They stood there all breathless for a second, at least at a seven meters distance from the cabin. 

Not even a minute later, after a lot of screeching from the inside, Mike jumped out. Not long after followed by Sam. Sam, however, seemed to have the important role in their plan and, just before she jumped out, swiftly turned a light switch and effectively caused the whole cabin to explode. 

Chris stared at the burning cabin. After some moments, in which the adrenaline that had kept him running for the night seemed to seep out of him, he looked at the others, at their battered up faces and noted sadly that two weren't there. But he was alive, Josh and Ashley were alive, that was the most important thing right now.

 

His eyes searched and found Josh's big and scared ones. Josh looked away when Chris hesitantly smiled at him. He was about to go over to him when the sun peeked over the mountains and warmed his face. Chris stopped dead and just as he looked over a helicopter flew into his field of view.

 

Chris forgot all about Josh and fell to his knees. They were saved, he was saved. He thanked God that he still lived, that he would be able to look at his mom's face again and smile at her when she proudly said he was already so grown up, that he’d be able to see another one of those sheepish grins his dad send his way when his mother caught her husband stealing something from her plate, that he’d be able to hug his sister when she graduated this year.

 

The helicopter landed and some people got out. Only the necessary questions were asked and soon, just as the first helicopter made off again, with Emily, Sam and Mike inside, another one landed, this time with some doctors and nurses inside. 

"Hey! Help me!", a loud voice yelled and Chris turned away from the nurse that was just done disinfecting the big cut on his face and was moving on to his leg that was currently hurting like a bitch.

 

It was Matt, who came limping toward them, holding up a barely conscious Jessica. "Oh Matt, thank god! Jessica…oh Jess, Mike said you didn’t make it…", Ashley sobbed, she had been crying ever since the first helicopter had landed and Chris didn't think she was gonna stop anytime soon. If he wasn't so (mentally and physically) drained he'd probably try to comfort her. 

 

People ran toward them and before Chris even had the chance to ask questions they were both loaded into the second helicopter. It was only when the third helicopter arrived that Josh entered Chris' mind again, he looked around.

 

Several policemen stood around his friends hunched over form, harshly speaking to him. They had probably gathered enough information from the others to assume Josh was the killer that had done all this. Chris stood up and ignored the pain in his leg when he saw how terrified Josh looked.

 

"Sir, you can't move yet! Your leg-Sir!", the nurse exclaimed, but Chris ignored her. "Hey! Hey, guys! Leave him alone, will you? He didn't do anything", he said, pushing through them and putting a hand on Josh's shoulder.

"Chris?" The words were barely above a whisper and Chris looked down at his best friend. Those haunted eyes of his were looking at him with disbelief. "Yeah, I got your back, man. Don't worry about it", he reassured him softly, squeezing his shoulder.

Josh opened his mouth, but was harshly cut off by one of the policemen. “We’re going to have to take him into custody until we’re sure of what happened. Come on, boy. I think your ride’s ready.” 

Chris looked to where the man was pointing. A still hysterical Ashley was currently being helped into the helicopter. “But…he’s sick, you can’t all gang up on him”, Chris pressed. “We’re not “ganging up on him". Besides, we won’t know if he’s sick until we’ve questioned him and you’re really hindering that process right now”, another one of them said. 

Chris shook his head. “No, you’re just making him upset. Leave him alone for a while, let me calm him down”, he pleaded softly. “You need to go, sir. You all need to be questioned, but since mister Washington here is the prime suspect, we can’t let you join him”, the third and last one, who was remarkably nicer, said. 

Chris hesitated one more time, but finally saw he couldn’t win this one. “Fine, I’ll go. But believe me when I say this: he didn’t do anything wrong”, he said bitterly.

Josh didn’t object when Chris limped away. He was helped into the helicopter and looked back at Josh one more time, his friend was staring at him with hollow eyes as his hands were cuffed. 

Chris swallowed the guilt away as the door of the helicopter was slammed shut and they took off, leaving all the horrid things behind. He laid a hand on Ashley’s shoulder, just to make her horrible crying stop, it was making his head spin. She seemed to appreciate the gesture though, as her crying went over into hiccups and eventually into nothing. Chris wasn’t sure if he actually liked this more.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare for those feels I promised.

After the interrogation was done and all the questions were asked Chris immediately asked where Josh was. "Mister Washington is still being questioned", the woman answered hesitantly. "When will he be able to talk to me?", Chris pried. "We don't know yet", the woman answered shortly when her male colleague glared at her.

 

It proved to be much harder to get to Josh than Chris had anticipated. He finally got to see him again after three days of more prying and calling. The only comfort in those long three days was that he got to see his family and friends again, which was great and all…but Josh's empty eyes staring at him when he left the mountain kept haunting him.

 

The happiness he felt kept being repressed by the guilt, especially at night. When he finally got the phone call in the early morning on the third day he could visit Josh in a hospital nearby he was so relieved he basically ran out of the house with his pajamas on. "I'll drive you", his mother said and Chris nodded.

 

He didn't think he was able to drive as the nervous wreck he currently was anyway. The ride to the hospital was somehow so nerve wrecking he couldn't keep still or even answer something comprehensible when his mother calmly asked something.

 

When they got to the hospital and asked for the room his mom said she'd wait in the cafeteria and would come get him in half an hour if he wasn’t back by then. Chris nodded numbly and made his way to room 457. He stood in front of the door for a while, breathed in deeply and went inside.

 

The room was a big one, which was probably _(definitely)_ because Josh’s parents were rich and could actually afford those kind of things. No problem there, the problem lay with the belts around Josh’s wrists and ankles which kept him literally shackled to the bed. Chris couldn't help but think it was a waste of space putting Josh in this big room when he couldn't even move, but he quickly snapped out of it and pity for his nomally overactive friend flooded over him. 

 

Josh looked up quickly when Chris entered and his blue eyes widened in disbelief. "Chris-" The tremble in his voice made Chris want to softly caress his dark hair and tell him it was okay. He shook his head and told himself almost losing his best friend had obviously taken a toll on him.

 

"Hey buddy", he said with a careful smile, stepping forward and ruffling his hair. Josh hadn't moved and didn't relax even as Chris showed the affection. "What's wrong?", Chis asked, even though he could practically say a hundred things that were wrong right then if he wanted to.

 

"D...Didn't think you'd come." His voice was still thin and trembling. Chris frowned and opened his mouth to say something. "I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry for what I did, I don't know what I was thinking! This whole thing is my fault", Josh burst out suddenly, making to grab his hands, only for it to get yanked back by the strap.

"I don't know what the hell is wrong with me… I've gone completely insane." Josh muttered brokenly and Chris looked at the mess his best friend had become. How the hell had he not seen this before? Where had he been?

"No, this is also my fault. I wasn't there for you after Hannah and Beth… and I should've been. Could've probably stopped you from doing what you did if I had been", Chris voiced his thoughts.  
" _You_ weren’t' the one who pushed _me_ away, were you?", Josh said bitterly. "No, but-"

"No! You were not. It was all me, I'm just that fucked up", Josh interrupted him harshly. "Josh-", he tried again. "You should just leave me. I don't deserve you, I don’t deserve anybody! I can't do anything right: I couldn’t protect my sisters…can't treat my friends right even when they try to help-"

Chris grabbed Josh's shoulder and squeezed tightly when trying to interrupt him proved to be useless. Josh's hysterical rambling abruptly stopped. "Dude, calm down. I came here to see if my best friend was alright, not to deal with his self-hatred." Josh cast him a small smile and Chris's heart skipped a beat.

“Yeah…I guess you didn’t”, Josh said after a while, laying back down. Chris smiled back tightly, partly happy he’d calmed down and partly highly disturbed by the things Josh had just said (and his own reaction to Josh’s smile, but he was just going to ignore that one). 

‘I couldn’t protect my sisters’ was what he’d said. Did he think it was his fault? Chris was definitely going to have to talk to him about that…but not now, not when he had just calmed down.

“Do you know what’ll happen to us?”, Josh stopped his thoughts. “I really don’t, I’ve been trying to get the police to tell me where you were for three days…I haven’t asked them anything else”, Chris said, suddenly a bit embarrassed when he said it out loud. “Aw, were you that worried?”, Josh teased him immediately.

Relief washed over Chris, Josh could still joke around. That was a good sign. Things were looking up a bit: Josh definitely wasn’t broken beyond repair and repairing Josh was exactly Chris’s plan. “Shut up, man”, he grinned. 

“But uh…You reckon I’ll go to jail?” It was meant as a joke, but Chris heard the tense nerve his voice had. “Not if I…and the others get a say in it”, he reassured his friend and Josh nodded. “Okay…thanks, bud. Orange isn’t my color, wouldn’t want to wear that all the time.” 

They both laughed at that. The next minutes were spent with them joking as if the past week hadn’t happened, as if Josh wasn’t tied to the bed with cuffs so he wouldn’t accidently hurt himself or others if one of his attacks happened, as if they hadn’t been growing apart for a year because of Josh pushing Chris away and Chris not trying hard enough to get him back. 

They were eventually cut off by Chris’s mom coming in to check up on them. Josh had a polite conversation with her before she said they had to leave. Josh looked absolutely frightened for a second, but quickly covered it up with a smile. "Sure. Be safe, you two." 

Chris wondered how long he’d been doing that…smiling to cover up his real feelings and how long he’d been oblivious to it. “Don’t worry, I’ll come over tomorrow morning and I’ll stay longer. I would stay today, but after lunch I have another “talking session” in the police office”, he reassured him. 

Josh nodded and the strained smile stayed on his face until they left the room. Chris could just imagine in falling as soon as the door fell close. Just thinking about it made him want to go back inside and be with his friend so he didn’t feel as lonely as he had probably felt for an entire year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~I don't know why I put people through these things... But what I'm putting Josh through is still better than what the game developers did, so yeah... Hope everyone's still enjoying it!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: unbeta'd. That is all.

The “talking session” went different this time. When he entered he noticed that there were two chairs and that Sam was already seated in one of them. After a nervous hug he sat down beside her. 

He hadn't actually seen her (or anyone else for that matter) in those three days either. Well, he’d had a short phone call with Ashley, but that didn’t really count, because that only lasted three minutes. Everybody had been pretty caught up in spending time with their family.

"So...we're here to talk about mister Washington. From the information we've been able to gather, you two are the most close to him, is this correct?" They nodded, it was true after all. Sam and Chris were much closer to Josh than the others. 

"That's why we wanted to ask you first: do you wish to press charges against Joshua Washington?" 

Chris stared at the woman (agent Mills, he suddenly remembered), not fully able to comprehend what she’d said. Sam was the first to react. “Press char-? No! He’s our friend and he needs help, not be put into jail!”, she objected hotly. Mills nodded and turned to Chris. 

“Yeah, no…What Sam said, there’s no way we’re pressing charges! Did someone else say they were going to?”, Chris asked. If Mike did, he swore he was going to freaking murder his face. “Some people have hinted as to wanting to do so”, she answered, careful again. 

“Well, say to those people that there’s no way”, Sam bit out venomously. Chris nodded. Why would they do this? Except for him, Sam, Mike and Ash no one had even been subjected to Josh’s “game”. Mike hardly, he hadn’t even been there the moment it happened.

“Alright, we’ll have to ask the others and see what their answer is in order to see what our next step is”, Mills said. “Is there another reason you don’t want to do so?”, her male colleague asked after a short silence. “No, other than him being our friend, there is no other reason. Why?” 

Chris knew he was probably being a bit too rude, but he was so irritated he couldn’t really bring himself to care. “Well, it could be that your “friend” threatened you, so you wouldn’t. If so, please know he can’t hurt you anymore”, the man said calmly. 

Chris almost jumped out of his chair. “No! You have no idea what you’re talking about! Josh would never do that!”, he bristled. A hand landed on his arm and squeezed. He looked over at Sam and she mouthed: “Settle down”. He bit his lip and forced himself to do so.

“I don’t think you understand… Josh is still our friend. Yes, he did some shitty things, but that isn’t going to change that fact-“, Sam said. “And he’s sorry. I went to visit him and he said he was sorry”, Chris said, calmer now. 

Sam looked at him and he nodded. “-And he’s sorry. He hasn’t been himself after what happened to his sisters and when we couldn’t really deal with him anymore when he got off his meds- It must’ve all become too much…so please, please help him. Make sure he gets the therapy he needs, that he gets treated better than he has been-“ 

Sam’s voice had gradually grown thicker and when it broke she fell silent. Chris looked at her and saw the same guilt he felt reflected on her face. The two agents looked at them with unreadable expressions. 

“We’ll see what we can do….and remember, if you ever need someone to talk to about what happened: we’re always ready to listen”, Mills said and they were dismissed.

 

Chris sneaked a glance at Sam when they walked down the hall toward the exit, she looked better. Better than she had looked when Chris last saw her three days ago when they led her into the helicopter. The bruises on her face didn’t stand out that much and her eyes weren’t that bloodshot anymore. 

But it was clear it would obviously take a long time before she’d be back to the happy and diligent girl Chris had come to know her as, if she ever went back at all… Everything had changed: it had been bad enough knowing her best friend had died, but Sam had just found out she had also been eaten by her own sister, who'd been all alone starving for almost a month. It was painful to think about, for Chris as well, because even if he hadn't been that close to the twins, he'd known them for a very long time. 

Well, that’s the story Ashley had told him on the phone at least, he’d probably have to talk with Josh about this as well. He deserved to know, if he didn’t already. Chris hoped not. “How is he?” 

Chris turned to Sam, who was looking up at him with tired eyes. “Who? Josh?” She nodded. Chris’s mind flashed back to Josh in the hospital bed, trembling and scared when he came in and smiling tightly as he walked out. He sighed.

“As well as you’d expect, I guess. They have him strapped to the hospital bed and he’s…what I just said wasn’t a lie, by the way…feeling incredibly guilty right now. I think it’d really help him if the others…or just you, would go see him and tell him you forgive him.” 

Sam nodded. “Yeah, I guess that makes sense.” Chris frowned when he noticed the slightly troubled expression on her face. 

“How are you holding up?”, he asked cautiously. “I’m doing fine”, she said with a sharp tone. “Alright, sorry. No need to get all snappy. I was just asking”, he said quickly. 

“No, I’m sorry. It’s just…so many people have asked me and I really don’t know how to answer that after all that’s happened”, she sighed. Chris nodded. “Yeah, I suppose I understand, except I’ve been locking myself in my room for half a week, so not that many people have had the chance to ask me”, he smiled weakly. 

He got a drained little smile in return. Sam could still smile, that was also a good sign. They got to the exit. “Where is Josh right now?” she asked. Chris told her the hospital and room number. “I’ll visit him before next week.” 

Chris nodded. “Thank you, I really appreciate it”, he said. “I’m not doing it for you”, she said, but it was gentle and with a smile. Chris scraped his throat awkwardly. “Yeah…well-“, he had no idea where he was going with that sentence. “-someone has to care, right?” 

The smile stayed on her face and she nudged him. “I’m glad it’s you”, she said. Chris refused to think much of it. He was just helping his friend out. His friend that meant so much to him, he’d pick him to live over a girl he was low-key crushing over. No, no, nope, nope. Not today, Satan. Chris would not think about that right now.

“I’ll call you tomorrow”, Sam said, walking over to her car. Chris’s mom had brought him again and he walked over to her. “Bye, Sammy” 

She gave him one last grin, before slamming the car door close and driving away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so short, I know! Once again, sorry for the lack of Climbing Class, but at least we do have Chris defeding Josh, right? No...Okay. I'll make sure to have them interact in the next chapter (which will probably be uploaded within the next three days, so yeah)! You can always let me know what you think or give me some suggestions, I like talking to people and hearing their ideas!!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a horrible horrible person... I'm sorry for everyone having to wait an entire week!! I just haven't been in a writing mood, but yesterday I was, so here you go :)

The next day Chris stood at Josh's door as early as he could, just like promised. Josh looked up when he entered. He had obviously not slept a wink that night, since the bags under his puffy eyes had only darkened. One of his hands was loose though, so that was good.

 

"Hey Cochise", Josh smiled. Chis cast one back, once again pointedly ignoring the wave of affection that washed over him. "Hey, buddy. I come bearing supplies", he said, pointing at the bag in his hand.

"Oh, did you? What'd you bring?", Josh asked excitedly. "Oh, you know…just all thee Lord of The Rings movies, the third season from The Walking Dead and some comics", he shrugged. "Oh man, you're a lifesaver", Josh said, happily taking the bag and going through the stuff Chris had taken with him.

 

Chris grinned. "Yes, yes, I know." Josh's room obviously had a TV. "Yeah, but almost no channels, like, what do they expect me to do? Watch National Geographic all day?" He'd complained yesterday. Chris inserted The Fellowship of The Ring, put the most comfortable chair directly next to Josh's bed, and sat down.

 

"How's that leg of yours doing?", Josh asked. Chris cast him a glance and looked at his leg. He was surprised Josh even remembered, he'd seemed out of it that morning. "It doesn't really hurt anymore. That night it was pretty bad, because I was running on it the whole time, but two days later I hardly felt it anymore", he shrugged. 

 

"When did it happen?", Josh asked. "When me and-" Chris fell silent, realizing he didn't even know the guy's name. The menu screen popped up on the TV and the familiar epic music filled the room. Chris turned the volume down, not wanting to disturb the other psychiatric patients. 

 

"I'll tell you after the movie. Okay, Josh?", he said and when Josh nodded he started the movie. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to tell Josh. He'd just blame himself, wouldn’t he? Chris bit his lip.  
But then again, it would probably be good for Josh to know that Chris had gone back for him. So Josh knew Chis actually cared for him. 

 

Josh sneaked a glance at his friend's face that currently covered an exited expression. The Lord of The Rings franchise were both their favorite movies of all time, it was what they'd bonded over when they first got to know each other.

 

Chris remembered the moment Josh had done his flawless impression of Sméagol like it was yesterday. He'd talked about it to everyone willing to listen. Josh had been happy someone was impressed by his talent and had taken a liking on him. 

 

It had been the best thing to ever happen to Chris. Not only because that meant more people talked to him, but having Josh as his best friend was just plain awesome. That the nice and loving Josh everyone liked instantaneously chose him as a best friend seemed so unreal to him back then. 

 

He couldn’t believe his eyes when Josh stood up against his bullies the next time they bothered him after their first encounter. Josh smiled reassuringly at him after he’d scared them away and from that moment on they were always together. No Josh without Chris or the other way around and it would be that way for years. 

 

But then the accident had happened. Chris stared at the TV-screen without really seeing. Josh always had been a bit unstable, at least, Chris knew he needed to take medication for some things. But the stress and guilt had taken a toll on him and for the first time ever, a week after Hannah and Beth disappeared, Chris saw Josh have a breakdown, or rather, an attack. 

 

It had been horrible, his mom was with him and Josh’s parents had been there. They’d been downright ashamed someone saw their son in that state.  
Chris could still see it, Josh laying there, hyperventilating and flailing around, miss Washington sighing and standing up. “Josh, not this again. I’m so sorry, Nicole, I’ll go get his pills.”, she apologized to his mom. 

Chris making to go over to his hysteric friend after the initial shock and mister Washington stopping him. “No, don’t even try to calm him down. Nothing besides the pills works, he’ll probably just hurt you in the process.” 

 

Chris remembered the disdain in his eyes when he looked over at his wife forcing the pills down Josh’s throat. 

He was right though, when Josh swallowed the pills he instantly calmed down, laying on the floor with a groggy expression. When nobody made to help him, Chris got up and did so.  
He walked out of the door with Josh leaning on him so heavily Chris was basically carrying him, making sure to get out of there quick so Josh didn’t have to hear the shame in his mother’s voice when she started apologizing again.

 

It was after that Josh started to push Chris away. He didn’t invite him over anymore, much less come over to Chris’s house. Chris couldn’t even begin to count how many times he’d stood before a locked door those first two months. He often didn’t pick up his cellphone either and if he did, it was mostly an awkward conversation from maybe five minutes if Chris was lucky. 

 

It was after he’d heard from Sam Josh did often contact her Chris had officially had enough. No more uselessly trying to contact someone who wouldn’t give in. He’d felt betrayed and hurt. So he’d left Josh alone for three months. Partly figuring he needed time to process everything that had happened. 

 

Well, he didn’t completely leave him alone. He’d still call at least once a week to ask how he was doing and check up on him. It was in those months he’d grown closer to Ashley, to try and fill the gap Josh had left.

 

He’d neglected Josh, he saw that now. But then Sam told him Josh wasn’t doing too well and missed him.  
Chris visited his friend’s apartment for the first time in five months after that. And still, the first question asked when Chris entered was: “How are things between you and Ash?”

 

Chris decided to humor his friend and pretended to share his enthusiasm. Josh seemed different somehow, his usually spontaneous attitude more withdrawn, his laughter not as loud as it used to be. His personality wasn’t the only thing that had changed, though. The apartment as well, it seemed empty and soulless, even though it was painted in bright colors.

But the way Josh behaved around Chris was still the same as always, though a little forced. So, after asking whether Josh was doing all right and still taking his meds, Chris left with a reassured conscience and a promise to come again next week.

 

He’d forgotten due to his exams, though and Josh fell off his radar for another month. Josh was the one to contact him. The shame Chris had felt when he heard Josh’s forced laughter on the other end of the line was nothing compared to what he felt merely six months later, with his already broken friend sitting beside him in the psychiatric ward.

 

When Chris thought back on it, he realized that had been his chance to get Josh back from whatever personal hell he was living in. “I though you said you’d come over? No, don’t apologize. It’s okay. You want to come over right now?… I think I need someone to talk to.”

 

Chris had, stupidly enough, refused. He’d had to study, his last exam was the next day and he said he didn’t have time. “Oh no! Of course, you…yeah, you need to study. I understand…Well, I guess I’ll see you another time…Yeah, bye Cochise.” 

 

His exam had gone horribly. He was sure he’d regret not going to his friend that evening forever, especially now he knew what it had caused.

“Chris, are you actually watching the movie or what?”, Josh’s voice interrupted his thoughts. “Wha-. Of course I’m watching the movie. What else would I be doing?” Chris tried to sound offended. “Well, you looked like you were just staring into the abyss of the big nothingness to me”, Josh chuckled and Chris grinned back. 

 

“Yeah sorry, just thinking. I’ll pay attention now.” Josh nodded contently and sank back into his pillow. He looked very snugly. Chris felt the sudden urge to climb into the bed with Josh and pull him against him. 

 

He tore his eyes away when Josh met his gaze and smiled slightly. What was wrong with him?! Chris pointedly stared at the TV-screen, making sure to not meet Josh’s eyes again, because that made what he’d thought too irresistible. 

If Josh even noticed how tense Chris was, he didn’t comment on it. 

In fact, he still loudly quoted: “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!”, “Run then, you fools.” and the dramatic “NOOO!” from Frodo right after it. Chris burst into loud laughter when he finally turned to Josh and saw the dramatic expression on his face. 

 

“Dude, you know he’ll come back.” “Shut up, Chris. I’m trying to act here.”, Josh said, putting a hand against his forehead and sighing deeply. Chris chuckled and forgot all about his strange feelings once again.

He happily quoted the rest of the movie with his friend after that. When the movie ended they were both hoarse from all the yelling and talking. 

“You wanna watch the next one?” Chris looked over at Josh and saw that, even though glee was still visible in his eyes, he was now wearing a serious expression. “Maybe later. You said you’d tell me.” 

 

Chris was confused for a second. “Tell you what?” 

“What happened to your leg”, Josh clarified. Oh, that was right. Chris had already forgotten about that. “Oh, right.” He hesitated once again, maybe it was best not to bring the events on Blackwood Mountain up again after all… but the determined expression on Josh’s face told him he probably wouldn’t be able to back out so easily. 

 

He sighed and turned around, so he was facing Josh. “All right, I’ll tell you. So, after what happened in the shed-“, Chris almost stopped when he saw Josh’s face fall, all his former joy gone, but Josh nodded tightly for him to continue.

 

“-after what happened in the shed, I went back to the lodge and Emily came back.”, he went on. Josh nodded. “We heard her scream and Mike left to check up on her.” “Yeah, Mike came as well. She told us about what happened to her in the mines.” 

 

Chris told Josh in short what Emily had told them, deciding to leave out the part of her finding Beth's head. “And suddenly this stranger comes in…I don’t know his name…I almost shot him, _thank god_ I didn’t. He told us about what was really going on on his mountain.” 

 

“His mountain?”, Josh asked skeptically. “Well, he said it was his mountain. And then Mike told us he’d left you alone, that _idiot_ , and the stranger said… he said you were probably already dead.” Josh stared at him. Chris swallowed and went on. 

“So I said you couldn’t be, I mean, we were literally just with you, and that I was going to go get you.” “You’d do that? Even after what I did?”, Josh asked. “Of course, I mean…Josh, you’re my best friend and I already let you down before”, Chris said. 

“No, I let you down. I let all of you down.” Josh looked at the TV, where the credits from the movie were still rolling. “I don’t care, Josh. You needed help before and I wasn’t there for you. I know I’ve said this before, but it’s true. I could’ve helped you, but I didn’t.”

Josh didn’t protest and Chris continued. “So he said he’d help me, gave me a shotgun and everything, and we left, but you…“ Chris remembered the disbelief and pain he’d felt when he thought he’d lost his friend for the second time that night, only now he was absolutely sure it wasn’t a joke, this time it was real. 

“It took me into the mines”, Josh said softly. Chris nodded, shaking the horrible thought off. “Yeah, but we didn’t know, so I kinda panicked and then a Wendigo showed up.” Josh looked at him with big eyes. 

“It uh…. It killed the stranger and came after me. I hurt my leg when I was running away”, Chris finished his story. He still felt regret whenever he though back at the stranger, the man hadn’t deserved to go out that way… 

“Jesus, Chris…What were you thinking? You could’ve died!”, Josh said. Chris shrugged. “I didn’t.” 

“Chris, I’m serious! You should never do these kind of things! Especially not for someone like me”, Josh exclaimed. Chris frowned when he saw how upset Josh was getting. And here he’d thought it would make him feel better. 

“What do you mean: “Someone like me”? You’re my best friend, you would’ve done the same for me”, Chris protested. “Yeah, but that’s not the same! You’re not…like me. I’m useless and you’re… you mean so much to so many people! You shouldn’t risk your life for someone like me.” Josh’s breathing had gradually grown harsher and Chris squeezed his shoulder when he sensed an attack. 

“Josh, buddy. You need to calm down, okay? Are you listening?” Josh’s slightly panicked eyes locked with his and he nodded. “Calm down, Josh. Calm down. Just listen to my voice and try to remain calm”, Chris pressed calmly and Josh nodded again, forcing his breathing to calm down. 

Josh’s hand clasped his own and Chris rubbed it comfortingly, ignoring the feeling in his gut telling him to embrace the other. 

“Sorry”, Josh whispered after a couple of minutes. “Don’t worry about it.” Josh let go of his hand after a repentant squeeze and Chris wanted nothing more than grab it again, but he didn’t. “So…you still up for that movie?”, he asked after an uncomfortable silence. 

Josh nodded and Chris went over to the TV to put it in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is english?? I'm so sorry for any mistakes!! I do not have a beta and I did my best!! I should let you know I'm going on a trip with school and I don't have time to write then, so I have no clue when the next update will be. I'l make sure it's a bit earlier than this one, though :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, new chapter!! I am warning you once again: this is unbeta'd, so mistakes can and will be found. Sorry!

Chris visited Josh the next three days. He didn't bring anything mountain-related up again, afraid Josh would be triggered again. After a talk with his nurse, Chris found out Josh was on pills again, different ones... He was also going to a psychiatrist.

 

Chris didn't see any changes, but that was probably because it had only been a week. The medication still had to work in...he probably didn’t really trust the psychiatrist yet. Well, that was Chris's guess at least. He didn't know how all this stuff worked. All Chris wanted was for his friend to be better again...or at least better than he had been.

 

"Chris, you wanna go buy me some cola, man?", Josh asked on that third day. "Uh...can you drink that?", Chris, who had never seen Josh drink soda in the hospital before, asked skeptically.  
"Probably not, but I could really go for some sugar", Josh shrugged.

 

Chris agreed, the circled under his eyes had grown even darker and his skin was so pale it was almost see-through, "I don't know, bro...", Chris hesitated.

"Oh, come on, Cochise. What's the worst that could happen. We get busted? I'll tell them I forced you, okay?", Josh tried to convince him. Well, it wasn’t exactly that... Plus, if they got busted. Chris would take the blame, like always,

 

He didn't think Josh could really afford any more mistakes on his part. It was the combination with the meds he was worried about. What if they had some horrible side effect in combination with a lot of sugar.

 

Against his better judgement Chris gave in. "Thanks, man", Josh beamed and Chris left the room with a lighter feeling. He had no idea why Josh smiling had such an effect on his mood. He would say it was because Josh had smiled rarely these couple of days, but that wasn't really true.

 

He still laughed with Chris's dumb jokes and the comedies they both watched. And the fluttering of his heart every time he saw the smile had been happening for four days now. Even though Chris was still in denial, he wasn't dumb. He knew there was a good chance he had feelings for his best friend that weren't just friendship.

 

But he still had hope it would just pass if he hung around Josh a bit more...if he even had feelings at all, of course! Maybe he was just misjudging everything!! Hahaha...

 

Chris sighed and stepped into the elevator, since the soda-machine was downstairs. He knew because he always went to buy something there whenever Josh got his medication, he didn't like Chris being there, because it some of it was through an injection.

 

Chris didn't exactly mind, he wasn’t exactly a big needle-fan himself...but still, he would rather be there for Josh.

 

The elevator stopped and some nurses stepped in. Chris scraped his throat and uncomfortably looked at his nails. The nurses (thankfully) didn't look at him and kept talking. "-he is really cute though." "Seriously, Jane? I saw him with doctor Jordan yesterday."

 

Jordan? He'd heard that name before... Wasn't he the psychiatrist Josh went to? "Oh…you mean he lies on the psycho wars?" She sounded disappointed. Chris blinked. Where they talking about Josh? As in his best friend Joshua Washington, who he may or may not be harboring feelings for?

 

Judging by the wave of jealousy that went through him it was probably the first. They'd called him cute. Who even said that...? True, even Chris considered those droopy eyes of his adorable, and that little smile he only preserved for Chris-,

 

But still, who did those women even think they were calling his best friend cute?! Chris clenched his fist and glared at them. "Yes, uh… He lies on the psychiatric ward. What's wrong, I though you said he was handsome?"

 

Oh! And now he was suddenly HANDSOME? Chris almost scoffed.  
"Yeah, no. I'm not really into psychopaths, thanks." They both giggled and now Chris was really pissed. "Look here", he snarled and the nurses turned to him with a startled look on their face.

"I don't what you think you're doing, talking about a patient like that when I'm here, but calling him a psychopath is just really going too far", he scolded. "Sir-", one of them started.

 

"No, I'm seriously considering filing in a complaint here. Who do you even think you are? Josh is not a psychopath and I don't want him to stay in a hospital where people call him that behind his back, especially the ones who are supposed to take care of him", he fumed. The nurses stared at him and the elevator stopped.

 

"You should seriously be ashamed of yourself", he finished and he walked out, leaving the nurses baffled.

 

It was only when the elevator door closed again Chris realized he'd gotten off a floor too early. Well, one level of stairs wouldn’t kill him. He went down the stairs and thankfully didn’t run into the nurses when he went over to the machine. 

 

He was just inserting the coins when someone tapped on his shoulder. He turned around and saw an unfamiliar doctor standing in front of him. The man was already mid-thirties and had curly hair that was already greying, despite his age. “Are you perhaps Joshua’s friend?”, the man asked. Chris nodded and pushed in the code before fully turning toward the doctor. 

“Yes, I am…but uh…I don’t think we’ve met, doctor-?” The man smiled and said: “Jordan, my name is doctor Jordan.” 

 

Oh! You’re Josh’s new psychiatrist”, Chris realized. The man nodded. “Yes, that’s me. I was wondering if I could steal five minutes of your time?”, he asked. Chris took the cola from where it had fallen and nodded. 

Chris was sure Josh could survive five minutes without him. He was busy with some comic Chris had brought anyway. He followed the man to his office and sat down in front of him. “So…Chris, is it?”, Chris nodded ,“If you could tell me what happened before the events on Blackwood Mountain, I would really appreciate it. Your own version, of course.” 

 

Chris swallowed and squeezed the cola tight. He hadn’t exactly expected this kind of question, but he should probably get this off his chest, if only to help Josh.

 

So he told the man everything there was to know. Including every little detail: about him abandoning Josh when he most needed him most, about the shame he felt for it. He stopped when he came to the point of the video message Josh had send to them (about inviting them over to Blackwood Mountain). 

 

“I see, thank you for enlightening the situation for me”, doctor Jordan, who had been taking notes throughout Chris’s whole explanation, said. Chris muttered a quiet: “You’re welcome” and stood up. “Look, Chris…it seems to me like you really carry a lot of guilt around…If you want: I can always make you an appointment. Especially after what happened…”, doctor Jordan said carefully. 

 

“Oh! No, no, that’s not necessary. I can deal with it”, Chris said quickly. _I deserve to deal with it._ He didn’t say that out loud though. “ Well, okay. I can’t force you into anything. But remember that my door is always open when you need someone to talk to”, doctor Jordan said with a small smile. 

 

Chris nervously smiled back and went to the elevator. Doctor Jordan seemed like an okay guy. Chris stepped in and presses the button to the fourth floor and was glad to be alone in the elevator. When he thought back at the nurses his mood dropped again. 

 

Not as if he’d actually been happy after the whole confession-thing, so that just meant he felt even more miserable. He needed to see one of Josh’s smiles… 

He didn’t even dwell on the weird thought, it was true after all. He stepped out of the elevator and hoped Josh wasn’t gonna be pissed with him coming so late with the cola he wanted. How long had he been away anyway?

 

He looked at his watch. Almost half an hour? Chris quickened his pace and walked into the corridor Josh’s room was in. He laid his hand on the door knob and suddenly heard a loud yell from the inside. Chris yanked the door open and saw what he wished he never had to witness again. 

It was Josh having an attack. Sam was also there, desperately trying to calm him down. Chris stood stock still in the doorway for a second, before dropping the cola bottle and running toward them. “Chris, thank god”, Sam almost sobbed. 

 

“What happened?”, Chris demanded urgently, pulling her out of the way, so Josh didn’t accidentally hit her. He could do a lot of damage with one hand as well. “I…I don’t know”, she stuttered. Josh’s hand grabbed around his bedside table with all his medication on and pulled. Sam gasped while all the pills rolled over the ground. 

Chris had to do something. “Sam, what did you do?”, he asked again, while taking action and quickly grabbing Josh’s one flailing arm. He looked at his friend’s face and saw that his eyes were turned upwards while he was gasping for breath, muttering silently when he got it back. 

 

“I…I thought he knew”, Sam finally got out. “Knew what?” Chris pushed Josh’s arm against the bed and immediately Josh’s tried to sit up, a panicked look on his face. Chris quickly pushed him down with his other hand. 

 

“You thought he knew what, Sam?”, he snarled, pushing the hysterical panic he felt when he saw his friend like this away. “About Hannah! I thought he knew about Hannah! Chris… I didn’t mean for this to happen”, she said and Chris could hear the tears in her voice. 

 

Oh… Josh let out a whine and began kicking his legs. “Sam, go get someone”, he commanded. He heard her getting out of the room. “Josh”, Chris yelled, but Josh didn’t acknowledge him, if he heard Chris at all. Just kept on whimpering while hysterically kicking his legs and fighting against Chris’s grip. 

 

Chris stared at his best friend’s face and a hopelessness like he’d never felt before fell over him. Someone pulled Chris away from Josh. “I’m sorry, Chris.” He turned away from the three doctors restraining his friend and looked down at Sam. 

 

He let out a shaky breath and shook his head. “It’s not your fault.” “No, it is. I shouldn’t have brought it up”, she said, still trying hard not to burst into tears. Chris understood. He felt like crying himself. It was scary to see Josh in that state, not seeing and hearing anything, having to be drugged to calm down. 

 

“No, I should’ve prepared him…or at least been here”, he said, sinking down into a chair and burying his face in his hands. The horrible noises Josh was making were gradually growing quiet and eventually the doctors stepped away from him. 

 

Chris stood up and ignored the questions they asked him, Sam could deal with them. Was better at it anyway. Josh look young…so incredibly young, laying in that big hospital bed. He was blinking slowly, his body obviously taking in whatever medication they’d given him. 

 

Chris grabbed his hand and squeezed. Josh looked up at him, but his head immediately fell back against his pillow, he blinked sheepishly. Chris might have laughed had this not been the least funny situation he’d ever been in. 

 

“Cochise”, Josh slurred and Chris nodded. “Right here, bro”, he whispered. He heard the door close and turned around. He was alone, Sam must’ve convinced the doctors to leave. “Where did you…go?”, Josh asked. 

 

“Went to buy you some cola, remember?”, Chris said weakly. Josh blinked again and stared at their hands. "Why-“, Josh swallowed and seemed to change his mind,“-Never mind, I don’t actually mind.” 

 

Josh yawned and softly squeezed his hand. Chris suddenly didn’t care about the little voice in the back of his head telling him not to do it. He promptly stepped into the hospital bed and hooked an arm around Josh’s shoulder, pulling him in close. 

 

Josh stiffened for a second, before relaxing against his shoulder. “I thought you didn’t like these kind of things?”, Josh asked against the sensitive skin of his throat. “I do now”, Chris said, frowning when he felt how skinny Josh had become, how fragile his friend felt in his arms. 

 

“I’m sorry”, Josh whispered, the slur in his voice only slightly audible. “For what?”, Chris asked, looking down at him. “Sorry you had to see that again, I…I know you hate it”, Josh said, not looking up. 

“Hey, it’s not your fault”, Chris said and Josh shook his head. Chris felt his eye lashes flutter over his throat every time Josh blinked in the new position. Josh closed his eyes. “ I‘m still sorry, Chris.” 

 

He didn’t open his eyes again after saying that and his breathing slowed down almost immediately. Must’ve been some strong medication they’d given him. 

 

Chris sighed and closed his eyes as well. The hopelessness he’d felt wasn’t completely gone, but it was reduced quite a bit by the reassuring breath that ghosted over his neck every few seconds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it's not too early for this much Climbing Class! I never know when to exactly progress relationships :/ But I'm sure some of you won't mind ^^ 
> 
> Also, I'm not making any promises i don't keep again, this fic will be updated when I update X3


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, it's almost been a month. I hope everyone still remembers this fic. So once again...this is unbeta'd, so mistakes can probably be found!

Chris vaguely remembered Sam softly shaking his arm and telling him goodbye when he finally opened his eyes again hours later. Okay, his arm was sleeping. He looked at it and discovered that a sleeping Josh was the cause.

 

Chris carefully pulled his arm from under him. Josh stirred, but didn't wake up. Chris smiled and softly caressed his friend's face. It looked the most peaceful Chris had ever seen it. It used to always carry a teasing smile when they were younger...well, not so much anymore now. Now it was just covered by a distressed expression most of the time, a small frown at the least. 

 

Chris noticed that his long lashes stood out very noticeably on his pale face. And his full pink lips...

 

_You should kiss them._

 

Chris shook his head and stood up when the that exact urge suddenly overcame him. He couldn't even begin imagine the embarrassment if he did so and Josh woke up. He shuddered.

 

An even creepier though hit him. Didn't they give him strong medication? The chances of Josh waking up were pretty low-.

 

Chris quickly stepped away from his best friend. Seemed like Josh wasn't the only psycho, as those lovely nurses had defined it the day before, in the room. Chris decided to get some air. Yes, he wanted to kiss Josh, that much was pretty clear now, but he was not going to do it like a creep by taking advantage of his sleeping friend.

 

On his way to the door he was actually surprised of how easy it was to accept his feelings for Josh. Maybe he had always known in a way (there had to have been a reason not talking to Josh hurt so much), but just needed to get over-.

 

'No! No, stay away from me!' -Josh.

 

Chris turned around so quickly he almost broke his own neck, fully prepared to fight whatever or whoever Josh seemed to be so afraid of. There was nothing, though. How could there be, really? Chris hadn't seen anything when he woke up.

 

Josh continued yelling the same terrified voice. "No. You're not real! Why are you doing this? No! YOU'RE DEAD!" Chris shook his friend’s sleeping form. It was obvious he was having a nightmare. 

 

Josh immediately woke up. Breathing heavily and grasping his sleeve. "It was just a nightmare", Chris reassured when Josh's breathing had grown somewhat calmer. "Then why doesn't it end when I wake up?", Josh whispered. "What do you mean?"

 

"They come...whenever you're not here", Josh brought out softly. "Who?", Chris unconsciously started whispering as well.  
"Hannah and Beth."

 

Chris held his breath for a second. It was the first time he heard Josh say his sister’s names since the accident. He let out an unsteady breath and Josh caught his gaze. "I know what you're going to say and I know! I know they're dead. I know..."

 

Josh swallowed harshly and tentatively grabbed Chris's hand. Chris immediately grasped it tightly. "Josh...", he started. "I know it sound crazy...Well, I am, though, aren't I? Wouldn't try to kill my friends and end up here otherwise, right?"

 

"Hey, that's not true. You didn't try to kill us", Chris immediately objected. Josh smiled weakly and looked at their intertwined hands. Chris tried not to feel too disturbed by all the things Josh had just admitted. "What did you dream about?", Chris asked after a long pause in which he sorted his thoughts.

 

Josh swallowed and looked into his eyes again. "It's not really a dream...more like a memory I keep reliving over and over again...Okay, so I'm in a cave . You know, the one the Wendigo...or Hannah...brought me to after the shed?" Chris nodded and squeezed Josh's hand reassuringly when his voice wavered slightly.

 

"Well, I wake up and suddenly these voices start singing. It's my sisters voices. At that point I'm already panicking and I try to make the voices stop. But they won't...They just won't stop and then doctor Hill starts talking as well and Mike and... and you."

 

Chris's heart seemed to stop for a second. "M...Me? I start talking as well?", he stammered. Josh nodded. "Well what do I say?" Chris wasn't prepared for the answer. "You...uh... You say that I manipulated you...tell me I'm a coward...that I'm insane."

 

Chris remembered. He remembered snapping those things at Josh after he'd just found out he was the "murderer". The hurt in in Josh’s voice made Chris want to do anything...anything to try and make it up to him.

 

"Well, you were right of course", Josh said quietly, pulling his hand out of Chris's.

 

Chris almost frantically grabbed it again. "No! Josh, I was _not_ right! I didn't mean those things! I thought you'd murdered Jess. No, look at me! I did not mean those things." Josh's big eyes seemed even twice as big when he looked at Chris with that much bafflement.

 

"Okay?", Chris asked, more quietly. Josh hesitated for a second, but nodded eventually. "Okay...okay..."

 

A small smile suddenly appeared on Josh's face. "You didn't have to go and wake up the whole hospital with your desperate screams for me to understand, though."

 

Chris let out a shaky laugh and sat back down in the chair. When had he stood up exactly? "Go on", Chris encouraged his friend. The smile disappeared immediately.

 

"After that it gets...pretty bad. I...I try to get out of there, but no matter which direction I go, they are always there. Hannah and Beth. They tell me horrible things. They ask me why I didn't save them. Why I wanted them to die...Chris, I swear to you I didn't want them to die. I really didn't. They were my little sisters and I tried to protect them. I really did."

 

Chris didn’t know what to say. “I didn’t want for you to die”, Josh whispered, seemingly staring into the thin air next to Chris. This was too much. 

 

Before Chris could even think twice about it he pulled Josh into an almost bone crushing hug. For a couple of seconds Josh just sat there, but then his free hand grabbed the fabric of Chris’s sweater and held it tight. 

 

Chris had expected it, but he still didn’t know what else to do than quietly shush him when Josh started sobbing. Long, anguised sobs that made his whole body tremble. The fear and sadness Josh had been suppressing for months seemed to all surface at once. And with his best friend crying in his arms like a child Chris though about the things that had happened…things were still going to happen and he decided that this time, he would be there for his friend. 

 

This time he wasn’t going to give up just because things got tough, because he loved Josh. Chris knew that now. He knew and he wasn’t going to forget it again. 

 

Chris held Josh like that for a long time. He held him when his sobs went over into hiccups, when those hiccups went over into calm breathing and much longer. He needed to hear that steady breath, if only to ensure himself Josh was okay. 

 

He also didn’t want to leave Josh alone, because what if he had another nightmare and there was no one there to wake him up? He didn’t feel like having another one of these talks that would make Josh this upset anytime soon. 

 

It was only when Chris’s arms couldn’t possibly hold Josh’s sleeping form up anymore that he softly laid his friend down on the bed. Josh’s face was still wet from the tears, even though he must have stopped sobbing half an hour ago, and Chris softly wiped it dry with his sleeve.

He looked at the alarm clock. It wasn't even six o'clock yet. He should probably call his mother to let her know he was okay. But...she probably knew he was with Josh, didn't she? Chris decided to just text her. He sat back down in the chair next to Josh's bed and send a quick message. He gently grab Josh's hand again after he did so and looked at his friend's sleeping face affectionately. Yeah...he'd be there for him this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter might take a while!! 
> 
> (Also, here's my [Tumblr](http://pleasanttales.tumblr.com/ask), in case you'd like to ask me something/give me advice personally OR if you'd just like to talk to me. I'm always willing to listen!)


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